Swinging as an LGBT person, how does that work and what about the stigmas surrounding sex with your own gender?
Swinging can be quite complicated. Swinging as an LGBT person adds to this. Although you may expect people in the swinging community to be very open, in practice this can sometimes be disappointing.
Below we will start with the basics and tell you who LGBT people are. Then we will talk about the stigmas that are involved and finally we will give you some tips on how to deal with these stigmas.
Who or what are LGBT people?
LGBT is a Dutch abbreviation that stands for homosexuals, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders. The term is used to indicate people who have a different sexual orientation or gender identity that deviates from the hetero norm and traditional gender roles.
Here is a brief explanation of well-known and lesser-known terms within LGBT:
- Lesbians: Lesbians are women who are romantically and/or sexually attracted to other women.
- Homosexuals: Homosexuals are men who are romantically and/or sexually attracted to other men. This term can be used for both homosexual men (often also called gay) and lesbian women.
- Bisexuals: Bisexuals are people who are romantically and/or sexually attracted to both men and women.
- Pansexuals: Pansexuals are attracted to people regardless of their gender or sex identity. People who identify as pansexual are often attracted to someone based on personality and traits without that person's biological sex or gender identity being a determining factor. Pansexual is often confused with bisexuality, however pansexuality explicitly emphasizes the possibility of attraction to people outside of the traditional male/female gender binary.
- Transgenders: Transgenders are people whose gender identity does not match their birth sex. This also has various forms such as non-binary and gender fluid.
- Non-binary: Non-binary people do not identify as any gender, they do not feel male or female, but rather somewhere in between.
- Genderfluid : Genderfluid people are, as the name suggests, fluid in which gender they identify and feel, one day they feel more masculine and the next day they feel more feminine. They can also identify in between, such as a non-binary person.
What are the stigmas surrounding same-sex sex?
The stigma surrounding same-sex sex is a complex phenomenon that varies across cultures, religions, and time periods. Many religions have condemned same-sex sex for centuries, which has of course contributed to the stigma. As with many religions, minority groups, including LGBT people, are pushed down to maintain power structures.
This kind of judgmental mindset has taught us to be reluctant to have sex with people of our own sex. It is often seen as dirty that men can have sex with each other, while there is a huge fantasy about women having sex with each other.
This stigma is often seen during dating, men who jump up when another man gently touches them in a jacuzzi for example or when the men's hands cross while massaging the ladies. You also often see it in that heterosexual couples or couples where the woman is bisexual are not open to dating a couple where the man is bisexual, at the same time they often look for couples where the woman is bi.
Swinging as an LGBT person, how do you deal with these stigmas?
In general, few couples have a problem with the woman of the other couple being bi. In fact, we have noticed that it is often expected of the woman to be bi. However, if the man is of a different orientation than hetero, many couples see this as a problem.
How can you deal with this? In a club, for example, you can choose not to talk about orientation, but this can feel very unnatural. Online, on the other hand, it is a lot easier, because on most swingers sites everyone can freely see what someone's orientation is. Couples who are not open to LGBT people will immediately reject or not respond. Of course, this does not have to be bad, because it makes it easier to find couples who are open to it or even find it an addition.
Fortunately, we have noticed that the more normal you act about it, the more normal other people find it. So just be yourself, this ultimately leads to the best encounters and perhaps even swinger friendships.
