Do you want to start with bdsm, but you don't know how? Or what you can use for it?
Then this is the article for you to read, we will take you into the beginning of the BDSM world.
So what is BDSM?
BDSM is actually an abbreviation of the following words:
- Bondage
- Dominance/discipline
- Sadism/submission
- Masochism
The words sadism and masochism probably make you think, that's going to be hard and painful. But bdsm doesn't have to be hard or rough at all.
The dominance and submission is the most important within the bdsm, where the Dominant has a ruling/suffering role over the submissive. This does not mean that everything has to go exactly according to the wishes of the Dominant. The submissive also has his/her own boundaries in which playing is allowed/possible.
Do's and don'ts
Do
- Set your boundaries, this applies to both the Dominant and the submissive.
- Agree on a stop word, for example orange if you are almost at the limit and red if the limit has been crossed. If the limit has been crossed, stop immediately and go to aftercare.
- Make sure you have good trust in your (play) partner, only then will the boundaries be fully respected and you can enjoy yourself more freely
- Take the time to learn about what you do, when you do it and how you do it. For example, if you are using a new technique
- Communicate openly and honestly.
- Don't be afraid of feedback, this is very important for both the Dominant and the submissive, open and honest communication is very important in this.
Don't
- Ignoring the boundaries of both the Dom and the sub
- Everything has to be done on voluntary consent, the sub must agree that he/she takes the submissive role towards you. But you can't force a Dom to dominate you. Just like with sex.
- No good aftercare, this can damage the trust if this is missing. The sub can get a big subdrop after the game, you want to be sure that the sub continues to feel good. This also applies to a Dom, he/she can also get a Domdrop
- Lack of communication
- Don't judge others' desires/feelings, respect each other's choices
- Do not engage in risky activities if you have no/insufficient knowledge of them, for example shibari suspension.
How does it work then?
By discussing together what you like and don't like, you're already off to a good start. Set your boundaries clearly and keep them clear to each other. Also make sure that you keep communicating during the game, pay close attention to each other's voice, language and body language.
How can the game proceed?
The play can start with soft and sensual touches to build tension and excitement, when both partners feel comfortable the Dominant can move on to more dominant actions such as tying up his/her sub with handcuffs or other suitable equipment. During the play you can explore different things; such as spanking, sensual massages, electroplay or other kinks that have been discussed in advance and are within the boundaries. It does not have to be rough at all, as long as both partners enjoy themselves and stay within their own pre-set boundaries. You can make it as intense as you want with, for example, harder strokes, more intense bondage or a stronger psychological game. Until you have reached your climax together (or several of course). After the play you give each other aftercare, for example by cuddling, kissing or talking to maintain the connection with each other. Always discuss after the play what you did and did not like, only by communicating this well can you both learn from it to improve the future times.
Helpful items to get you started
- Good quality handcuff set, PU leather cuff set
- A blindfold, Blindfold with closing padding . Our blindfold is highly recommended because the padding seals everything off really well, so the submissive doesn't see anything visually.
- A tickling feather, tickling feather
- Light nipple clamps, Nipple clamps light
- A nice massage oil, Exotiq massage oil vanilla caramel 500 ml
- Or to make it more exciting, a massage candle, Exotiq massage candle vanilla amber 200 grams
